The March of Time

It is beginning to get dark early now and cool breeze brings the temperature tumbling down each evening. September is nearing its end but the days are still holding on to their warmth. It actually gets warmer in September than August or July in this part of the world, it is like summer trying to put its best act before it is consumed by winter, like a last flickering act of a dying candle...
It is not just the rhythmic patterns of seasonal change that I do not notice, it is also the coming of going of each day that I pay little attention to.
It is true that there is always something to look forward to, a coming Friday for example is always a welcome occurrence, but in general it is easy to lose track of time. And before you know it, you cross a milestone.
Age 35 is one such milestone which I recently crossed and it dawned upon me that no matter what I do or do not do, the time marches on. Not that I am missing anything in life or not that there are things that I have not done which I have suddenly realized I should have done.
It is just the constancy of contentedness which bothers me once in a while. It is the want of the unknown or perhaps the realization of the limitation the passage of time makes you learn.
When I was very young I was recklessly insensitive to any physical limitation that one could have. I remember we used to stay up all night to study for the exam the next morning even when it was not necessary...and now I begin to panic when the side-clock nears midnight. The prospect of a long day of meetings without proper sleep is daunting.
When you are young you believe that life is simple and you are just too good for the world. And that world is mostly filled with hackneyed, you will get what you want and nothing bad could ever happen to you. It is only with years that you brush off your naiveté and your voice deepens with thoughtful pauses. Sometimes I wonder if it is mature consideration before speaking or scrambling for words that manifests in an “ahem”....
Just yesterday I ran into Ben again. After having seen ups and downs of managing a number of small to middle sized high tech companies for over 30 years, he has now, as I say, “grown the wings of an angel”. Wise and seasoned, he is now providing much needed startup capital for bleeding edge tech companies.
I am not looking for any capital and he was not particularly interested in what I am doing at this time...regular jobs seldom interest him. So we talked about other random stuff. Some usual some unusual things, some patterns in technology and politics, lack of newsworthiness of news channels and, yes, even weather.

Just while we were parting he casually said, drinking the last dregs of decaf cappuccino from his cup - “So what do you want to do when you grow up?”.

I gulped. Then considered...waited...thought...then casually shrugged - “There are a few things I am considering, lets see what happens”. It was as if the answer was frozen somewhere inside me and as it thawed I felt so light again.
He must have caught a gleam in my eyes, he smiled and gave me an approving nod.